am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize