At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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