I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
