So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i dont even know how to be here
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
