what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
