I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
