I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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