y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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