Kiss
Puke
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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