This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
