I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize