I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
