I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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