I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the day after is always just damage control
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
