This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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