I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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