the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
