i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
