he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize