Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
