after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
do nipples grow back?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
