yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
God, I missed his penis.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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