I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
