Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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