Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize