i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
