his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
