we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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