Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
