whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
