Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
