What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
