Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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