Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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