Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
