You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
whose parrot is this?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
