We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
