Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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