highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Randomize
