When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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