This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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