I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
