Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
