Got a toothbrush?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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