Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
