So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
