OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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