Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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