Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
