Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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