you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
