I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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