24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
