Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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