you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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