She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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