Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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