Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
