He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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