Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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