I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
