Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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