My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
