Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
