ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
