I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel great
I just peed on a car
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
