I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize