I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
