she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
no you cant smoke seaweed
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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