just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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